10 Canadian films I will never see

Sarah Polley
Sarah Polley

The Toronto International Film Festival, my country’s annual celebration of its own inferiority complex, has come up with a golden idea — Canada’s Top Ten Films of the Year.

If there was ever a glaring example of what a disaster the Canadian culture industry is, it is our attempts at theatrical release cinema. In the forty years our governments have participated in the vetting of thousands of film projects, provided funding and tax incentives for this industry, we have not produced a single, identifiable feature film that most Canadians would actually be proud to add to their DVD collections.

Walk down any street in this country, ask any stranger what their favourite Canadian film is. Good lord, you’ll be waiting a long time to get a coherent response. You’ll wait a lifetime to hear the same answer from 2 people.

While I’m sure there is compelling work among the TIFF’s Top Ten, and the filmmakers undoubtedly slaved to get their works paid for and screened in public, I bet you that a fishing show that plays on channel 32 at 6:30 on a Sunday morning will be seen by more people than all of the films combined.

What are my favourite Canadian films, you ask? Not many jump to mind, but I recall being moved by a few. What’s amazing about all the films below is that I saw them in theatres, during their current runs.

Denys Arcand’s Decline of the American Empire was a rare treat, a film by and for grown-ups. Thirty Two Short Films About Glenn Gould was an unexpected beauty, although I wish Don McKellar had retired after it.

Anne Wheeler’s first feature Loyalties was a hard-hitting drama that to me is a good example of the kind of small stories we’re loathe to tell today. It seems that if a project is funded by Telefilm the subject has to be some grand figure or event from Canadian history (isn’t that an oxymoron?), or some depressed loser with a sink full of dishes.

Phillip Borsos’ The Grey Fox was a charmer, and again the kind of story that we don’t want to take a risk on today.

My Greatest Canadian Film™ is (drumroll, please): Ivan Reitman’s Meatballs, starring Bill Murray. Yes, boys and girls, this is a Canadian film and it’s a great ride. Lots of people saw it, and loved it too. It kicked off Bill Murray’s film career with a bang and he’s never looked back.

While the summer camp rite was more of a typical Ontario phenomenon than a BC one, I still related to the first crushes, anarchy and coming of age that this film crams into 99 enjoyable minutes. The movie gets bonus marks for making Chris Makepeace the answer to a 70’s trivia question.

Yes, Sarah, it just doesn’t matter. It just doesn’t matter. It JUST doesn’t matter. It JUST DOESN’T MATTER! IT JUST DOESN’T MATTER! (Rent Meatballs to get this reference)

And unfortunately for all of us, the TIFF’s list won’t matter to a whole lot of Canucks.