The Three Coreys
Script by Michael Klassen
Performed by Michael Klassen, Corey White and J.B. Shayne for Coast 1040’s Hollywood North Report
MUSIC: Bad Rock On…”Hey kids, summertime blues…
Slow down Kino’s voice – make it “BIG.”
Kino: They’re back for summer ’93. The one and only Corey Haim…
CLIP: What the hell is “heh”? Why can’t you laugh like a man?
Straight outta rehab, Corey Feldman…
CLIP: You were expecting maybe Freddy Kreuger?
Kino: and in his big screen debut, Corey White…
CLIP: No stalls or accidents reported on any of the major – Oh my god look out!
SFX: Machine gun fire
Kino: The three Coreys are together at last, and we’ve got ’em, Blownnn Awaaay…
MUSIC: Tough Enuff as bed underneath.
CLIP: I’ve gotten in 2 fights in two days, look at my face this is ridiculous.
Kino: Blown Away!
CLIP: I’ve taken about all I can stand from that van – I’m selling the damn thing.
CLIP: What’re you going to do with the gun, Joel, the gun. I’m your friend, Joel. I just don’t wanna see you go to jail, y’know? Jail? Behind bars? Hey! Don’t humiliate me, man, alright?
SFX: Machine gun fire.
Kino: Blown Away! Featuring funnyman Jack Hardsprinkle…
CLIP: What’re you doing over there you rotten little buttwad!
Kino: and a cameo appearance by none other than J.B. Shayne…
CLIP: What’s all this I hear about all-you-can-eat salad bar?
Kino: Plus soundtrack by Loverboy’s Mike Reno…
MUSIC: Mike Reno song. (Can play out through piece)
Kino: The Three Coreys! You wanted ’em, we’ve got ’em. Corey Haim…
CLIP: She wanted me, I know she wanted me, well every girl wants me.
Kino: Corey Feldman…
CLIP: It’s no wonder I’m so screwed up!
Kino: and Corey White…
CLIP: If there’s somewhere I can snowboard in August, I’ll find it, Sweetie.
Kino: Blown Away!
SFX: Explosion!
Tag: (Sped up) Not coming to a theatre near you. A Dream Team production.